How do we know if we have found the right guru?

Question: I am experiencing something funny going on with the guru I have just begun studying with. I don’t know what it is but I don’t feel right about him. I keep wanting to break from him and he keeps telling me that I should persevere. But I am not sure. I feel I have given him too much power over my life, and that’s not good, but on the other hand, I know one is supposed to surrender to a guru, so I am confused. What should I do?

Serge’s advice
This is a challenging issue. Sometimes feeling bad about a teacher is a sign that something is not right with them and one should move away. You say he is your guru. Is he an established spiritual Master or is he simply a charismatic leader of some particular sect? That is an important question you need to ask yourself. So beware, there are a lot of rascally so-called sages out there treading the spiritual highway!

If he is an established Master and if he is authentic as a teacher, it may simply be that he is not for you. (We are all on different paths and therefore need different teachers and teachings, and he may just not be ‘your teacher’) However, sometimes, the urge to move away may not be because the teacher is rascally or not right, It may be because he is right and the power of his presence is simply bringing up something very big for us that really needs exploring and that makes us feel uncomfortable. So instead of looking at the mole in our own eye, we make our teacher into the ‘baddie’!

What I suggest you do first of all is not see this issue as a problem but more as a spiritual challenge asking you to develop your powers of discernment. And to tune into the discerning part of you, I suggest you take time to tune into a quiet space inside yourself and begin to connect with your deeper being – or with your own inner guru – for there is a part inside all of us that knows the answer to all these kinds of questions. You might close your eyes and ask that part of yourself that is wise to come forward and reveal itself.


Questions you could then ask yourself about your teacher could include:

• Do you feel he is authentic and wants the best for you?
• Do you feel he sees you deeply? 
• Do you feel empowered in his presence? 
• Do you feel your life has advanced since you have been with him?

If the answer to these issues is predominantly a ‘yes’, then you may well be avoiding something. If so, wrestle with yourself and see what that thing is. If the answer is mainly no, then there may be a lot in what you feel and you might well be wise to move away. Simply because a teacher asks you to surrender to him, does not mean you should also give up your discernment. I also recommend that you buy that spiritual classic, The Autobiography of a Yogi by Yogananda as that deals beautifully with the whole guru/student relationship.